So what is it really with men and catching feelings for the whoooooole world? Makes you wonder if you are the one with the problem! If they don't have the gonads for it, they should leave it to women like me who sometimes feel trapped in this overly soft armor. I've shibad by the way! Sooooooo ANGRY!! But, lesson learnt. Hiyo ni kiboko! Please note that I am not bashing men, I love them infact lol. I just hate it when they go pink on me!
One of those days I just don't want to go home. Don't want to talk....want to walk around with a pellet gun and shoot anyone who even glances at me funny. You know, grab a hot water flask, some whiskey and go to some really tall building and dangle your feet at the edge and think about how really small and insignificant everything is.
This blogging thing feels very dear diary, shit! Kesho.
Don't go far off, Not even for a day
Don't go far off, not even for a day, because
Because -- I don't know how to say it: a day is long
And I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
When the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.
Don't leave me, even for an hour, because
Then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
The smoke that roams looking for a home will drift Into me, choking my lost heart.
Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
May your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don't leave me for a second, my dearest,
Because in that moment you'll have gone so far
I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?
I giggle at the excitement in my belly, like a litte girl again
I snuggle into the warmth of sensual and intense familiarity
My heart dances to the rhythmic beat of the possible future
And my smile swings back and forth in a lazy staccato
As the sound of his voice sends delicious chills up my limbs
I want to stagger in the ecstacy of this easy flowing river of abandon
But reality beckons ever so fervently
At this moment however, after what feels like a century of loneliness,
I FEEL.
They say no sword can match the might of a pen
And all men at once think of a revolution
But let's take pause on these thoughts
And, at all the wars fought
For its not battle I seek
Nor fortune, nor fame
No its more than that, it's the heart of a dame
With my pen I weave a net of dreams and hopes
With my pen I will forge a weapon to slay the ghosts
With my pen I will light a torch to guide her home
To my arms, to my heart
A sword will not lift her tear streaked face toward thelight
A sword will not cause her soul mirth that upon joys tidesit takes flight
A sword will not slay that which the heart fears
Only flesh and bone, those ordinary scars.
With my pen I shall curve a mirror of words
So she may see her soul, her spirit, her all.
The reason that makes this pen worth holding
The reason that makes these words worth wielding.
This year has taught me a few things. If you can, learn and unlearn from them.
1.) There is no such thing as 'rock bottom' things could ALWAYS get worse. Life is most times not short, you will most probably have to live with the consequences of your decisions for a WHILE. Make all your decisions based on the future.
2.) Never say never and do not judge. Try your best to show others the unmerited grace Christ has shown you.
3.) Toxic relationships never seem like they are. Examine the people you surround yourself with often. You'll be suprised at the load of crap you'd normally take.
4.) Chemistry can actually be all in your mind! WHAT! Best believe it! Lol, I still cannot believe my own ujinga! And people, do not waste each others time and emotions. Ladies, if you know u don't feel him, why string him along on countless dates? Guys, if you know you don't feel her, just don't go there!!! Karma knows where you live!
5.) ALWAYS stand up for WHO & WHAT you believe in. It feels awful to wish you had.
6.) Having a personal relationship with Christ means changing your lifestyle and most critically, your thought process. It is not easy but it is necessary. Woi! I will never judge backsliders again! My own back is still sore but I'm not giving up! Deep inside we all know He is the way.
7.) FEAR NOT. Fear has a funny way of manifesting itself in reality.
8.) DO YOU. I am me, take it or leave it. I am allowed to make mistakes. You are allowed to be you! If they can't handle you at your worst, they definitely DO NOT deserve your best.
9.) Just because you know what you want doesn't mean you are picky. NEVER lower your standards, they are directly proportional to your BS tolerance level.
10.) Laughter is good MEDICINE for the bones! I kid you not, when the ish hits the fan, laugh at the spray, then deal! It truly truly is never that serious!
